Joke thread!

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
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DNS
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Joke thread!

Post by DNS » Thu Jul 07, 2016 2:29 am

You Know you are Addicted to the Internet When...
· You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened.
· Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
· All of your friends have an @ in their names.
· Your dog has its own home page.
· You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.
· You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
· You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
· The last girl you asked out was only a jpeg.
· Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you email her.

plwk
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Re: Joke thread!

Post by plwk » Thu Jul 07, 2016 5:49 am

"Then Ven. Sagata went to the hermitage of the coiled-hair ascetic of Ambatittha, and on arrival -- having entered the fire building and spread out a grass mat -- sat down cross-legged with his body erect and mindfulness to the fore. The naga (living in the fire building) saw that Ven. Sagata had entered and, on seeing him, was upset, disgruntled, and emitted smoke. Ven. Sagata emitted smoke. The naga, unable to bear his anger, blazed up. Ven. Sagata, entering the fire element, blazed up. Then Ven. Sagata, having consumed the naga's fire with his own fire, left for Bhaddavatika.

"Then the Blessed One, having stayed at Bhaddavatika as long as he liked, left on a walking tour to Kosambi. Word reached the lay followers of Kosambi: 'They say that Ven. Sagata did battle with the Ambatittha naga!'

"Then the Blessed One, having toured by stages, came to Kosambi. The Kosambi lay followers, after welcoming the Blessed One, went to where Ven. Sagata was staying and, on arrival, having bowed down and sat to one side, said to him, 'What, honored sir, is something the masters like that is hard for you to get? What can we prepare for you?'

"When this was said, some group-of-six bhikkhus said to the Kosambi lay followers, 'Friends, there is a strong liquor called pigeon's liquor (the color of pigeons' feet, according to the Commentary) that the bhikkhus like and is hard for them to get. Prepare that.'

"Then the Kosambi lay followers, having prepared pigeon's liquor in house after house, and seeing that Ven. Sagata had gone out for alms, said to him, 'Master Sagata, drink some pigeon's liquor! Master Sagata, drink some pigeon's liquor!' Then Ven. Sagata, having drunk pigeon's liquor in house after house, passed out at the city gate as he was leaving the city.

"Then the Blessed One, leaving the city with a large group of bhikkhus, saw that Ven. Sagata had passed out at the city gate. On seeing him, he addressed the bhikkhus, saying, 'Bhikkhus, pick up Sagata.'

"Answering, 'As you say, Lord,' the bhikkhus took Ven. Sagata to the monastery and laid him down with his head toward the Blessed One.
Then Ven. Sagata turned around and went to sleep with his feet toward the Blessed One.

So the Blessed One addressed the bhikkhus, saying, 'In the past, wasn't Sagata respectful to the Tathagata and deferential?'
"'Yes, Lord.'

"'But is he respectful to the Tathagata and deferential now?'
"'No, Lord.'

"'And didn't Sagata do battle with the Ambatittha naga?'
"'Yes, Lord.'

"'But could he do battle with even a salamander now?'
"'No, Lord.'"

Link
Master Huiguo told me,
'If you know your own mind (just as it really is), you know the Buddha's mind.
If you know the Buddha's mind, you know the minds of all beings.
Knowing the identity of these three minds is Great Awakening.'
Link

plwk
Posts: 125
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 5:00 am

Re: Joke thread!

Post by plwk » Thu Jul 07, 2016 5:50 am

phpBB [video]
Master Huiguo told me,
'If you know your own mind (just as it really is), you know the Buddha's mind.
If you know the Buddha's mind, you know the minds of all beings.
Knowing the identity of these three minds is Great Awakening.'
Link

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DNS
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Re: Joke thread!

Post by DNS » Fri Jul 08, 2016 4:36 pm

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Spiny Norman
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Re: Joke thread!

Post by Spiny Norman » Sat Jul 09, 2016 6:38 am

Pinched from another forum:


Then there's the minimalist joke:

A minimalist walked into a bar.

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Masaru
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Re: Joke thread!

Post by Masaru » Fri Jan 10, 2020 8:48 am


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Nicholas
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Re: Joke thread!

Post by Nicholas » Fri Jan 10, 2020 3:47 pm

College degrees for opinions coming - !!!

https://babylonbee.com/news/everyone-on ... al-affairs
May all seek, find and follow the Path of Tathāgatas.

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Masaru
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Re: Joke thread!

Post by Masaru » Fri Jan 10, 2020 6:07 pm

Nicholas wrote:
Fri Jan 10, 2020 3:47 pm
College degrees for opinions coming - !!!

https://babylonbee.com/news/everyone-on ... al-affairs
http://trvuniversity.com/technical-remo ... urses.html

As a former collection agent working with student loan debt, I give my unreserved recommendation of these courses.

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